Caution: sensitive content ⚠️
Looking for advice/help: My foreign partner is struggling with severe depression and suicidal thoughts
(I don't know what happened to my previous post, so I'm posting again)
I'm posting out of fear for his life, because I'm so desperate and completely overwhelmed.
My fiancé is a foreigner who is clinically depressed, and he has specific suicidal thoughts and even a plan. He adamantly refuses to get counseling (he tried it once and quit), and because of money problems, it's difficult for him to go back to his home country right now. He has no family back home, just one estranged son who wants nothing to do with his father. My family and friends have no idea what's going on, and for several personal reasons I can't bring them in either, so I'm completely on my own. What makes it even harder is that we have a newborn baby who isn't even two months old yet, and I'm still recovering from a complicated postpartum period.
I'm doing the best I can in this situation, but I can barely think straight anymore. If anyone has been through something similar, whether you're a local or a foreigner, please share any advice or ways I can handle this safely.
Please don't judge. Right now I'm just trying to keep everyone safe and keep us from going under.
Update: (For context, he has a gambling problem and lost all of his savings three months ago. Things have been terrible ever since. I can't say much because I'm afraid of revealing our identities. I do have friends here.
Some people shared that it helped when someone simply sat beside them and stayed with them without pushing them to make a choice. Others advised getting a prescription for antidepressants, and some suggested reaching out to a gambling addiction support group. There was also advice to leave, but the original poster replied that they can't.
My advice is to leave, right now!!
I'm going through something similar. The best you can do is sit beside him and hold his hand. Don't ask questions, you don't even have to talk, just be there. Don't ask what he wants to eat, just make his favorite food. Don't make him choose anything, it makes him feel useless. When he laughs, laugh with him, and when he cries, just stay by his side. Stay with him. I know it's hard when the baby cries a lot, but take the baby to another room. Good luck. Still, he's lucky to have you by his side. You're doing a really great job. Thank you on his behalf.
Just a suggestion, but it might help if a doctor prescribes an antidepressant like paroxetine. Out of all the meds I've tried, it worked best for me. I also keep busy with projects in my garage. Maybe there's something your fiancé usually enjoys that could keep his mind busy?
Thank you to everyone who replied. I can't answer each of you individually, so I'll answer the questions that came up a lot: - Yes, he's American - We're in Davao City now - No, he's not a veteran - He's in his 60s, and I'm half his age - Yes, he saw a psychiatrist at least 5 times this year and then quit - No, he's not a violent person - He joined meetings on Zoom too, but he quit that as well - We have several foreign friends here and some of them knew about his situation, but they either don't care or are tired of him. I don't blame them - This problem started 11 months ago. He got into stocks and lost money, and he also gambled on sports - And above all, yes, I know full well what he could do to me and my family. But no, leaving is not an option. At least not yet. I'm asking for advice because I want to help. Please understand that I love him and care about him (some of you will call it cheesy). Before all this, he was the sweetest, kindest person, he's my son's father, and right now he has nothing to give me, but I just don't want to throw him away. I have no one to lean on. I'm doing everything I can to get him the help he needs. I'm the eldest of 9 kids in an Asian family, so I can handle whatever might look like violence. He's in bed most of the time and only gets out when absolutely necessary. I have to cook, feed him, do the housework, take care of the baby and keep everything running, because that's what has to be done. We live in an expensive condo and I really want to get out. As for money, for the past 4 months I've been paying the rent and utilities, because he's broke. Yes, I have savings too, but they're shrinking fast. If all of this runs out and he still hasn't come to his senses, Lord help me. - Is there anyone living in Davao I could reach out to?
If you're really worried, you might have to get him deported.
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