๐ต๐ญ A thought on Filipino families: when a mother's love becomes favoritism
Living in the Philippines, I've become interested in the dynamics within families, especially the relationship between mothers and their sons and daughters.
What I've seen in some households made me stop and think. In some families, sons are pampered, shielded, and forgiven for things that would never be tolerated from a daughter.
Even when a son is irresponsible, contributes almost nothing to the household, and keeps making the same mistakes, his mother keeps covering for him, bailing him out, and making excuses. Daughters, meanwhile, are sometimes expected to work hard, support the family financially, care for others, and carry responsibilities that are never demanded of their brothers.
That raises an interesting question: why is the most indulged child sometimes held to the lowest standard?
Part of the answer may lie in traditional gender role expectations. In some homes, boys grow up believing they deserve special treatment, while girls learn that their worth is measured by how much they sacrifice for others.
There's a painful contradiction here. A daughter can become the most dependable provider in the family, sending money home, helping her parents, and supporting her siblings. And yet her brother may still be given more consideration, simply because he's the son.
Of course, this doesn't describe every Filipino family. There are wonderful mothers who raise sons and daughters with the same love, respect, and expectations. And this isn't unique to the Philippines. Similar patterns exist in cultures all over the world.
But there's something important to remember.
Love is not the same as enabling.
A mother who keeps rescuing her son from the consequences of his actions may believe she's protecting him. But sometimes she's keeping him from becoming the responsible man she hopes he'll be.
Real love isn't taking someone's side when they're in the wrong. It's having the courage to tell the truth, expecting accountability, and helping them grow beyond their mistakes.
Sons deserve love, and so do daughters. Sons deserve compassion, and so do daughters. Neither should have to earn respect through obedience, financial contributions, or endless sacrifice.
And maybe the greatest gift a mother can give her son isn't a lifetime of shielding him from the world, but the wisdom and strength to face it responsibly.
Raise sons who understand responsibility, not entitlement. Raise daughters who know their worth, not just their duty. And let both grow up knowing that respect is something we give each other, not something handed out automatically because of gender.
Because when the day comes that a mother can no longer solve every problem, the truest measure of her love won't be how much she did for her children, but how well she prepared them to stand on their own two feet.
I'd love to hear other perspectives. Have you seen this pattern in your own culture or family? Or do you think sons and daughters are generally treated equally?
Let's talk honestly, and respectfully.
#FilipinoCulture #FamilyValues #Parenting #SonsAndDaughters #Equality #LoveAndResponsibility
Seph ๐ฎ๐ช๐ต๐ญ
That's true.. and it's not just the Philippines, it's other Asian countries, Africa, and the Americas too except the US and Canada..
There's something you don't understand about the culture. This culture is specifically designed to make sons obedient, dependent, and timid family members. Here's how it works. Daughters are raised to take charge, and one of them gets chosen to be the family's provider. Over time that daughter takes over and the cycle starts again. The men in the family become "resources." So when the men notice that, they can slip out of it. They only work when they need pocket money. For gambling, drinking, and smoking. It's slowly changing. The younger generation no longer accepts it. When I talk to college students and recent graduates, they reject this system. Especially Utang Na Loob (the sense that you must repay a debt of gratitude). I'm hopeful it will change, but there will be resistance too.
I don't think it's wise to judge, from a personal perspective, a country with so many languages and cultures that has endured colonial rule. Many families also favor daughters over sons. Many single mothers leave their kids with the grandparents and go work in the city. The remaining siblings, even if they're younger and have no children, have to sacrifice their own time to look after the older sister's kids. In my view that's enabling and shifting responsibility, in other words favoritism. And in the local culture, family takes care of family. Many older white men completely blew up when a young Filipina gave her opinion about the "musty old white men" who move to the Philippines to date women her age. She had been approached a lot by old men like that who think they can get whichever woman they want. People were so angry they even tracked down who she was dating. The old guys hated being generalized about. Filipinos should be given the same respect.
I just saved this. I read all the way through and I agree with what you said. It's pretty accurate for my family.
Comments 0
Please log into write a comment.