Big Mike - Spa Day (Thanks, Joy!)

Joy treated Big Mike to a mani-pedi and a full-body massage. Here's what she told the receptionist: “My husband is really stressed. And his feet are wrecking our bedsheets.”

Mike lowered himself into the pedicure chair. It made a sound like a ship leaving port.
The nail technician examined his heels, quietly crossed herself, and brought in another technician.
“Why two?” Mike asked.
“One per foot,” Joy said. “We'd like to get home today.”

Mike picked a bright purple toenail polish.
“The color of royalty,” he explained.
“Ube color,” Joy said.

During the massage, the therapist told him to relax. Mike fell asleep right away and snored so loudly that the whale-song recording was completely drowned out.
Then she pressed a knot in his shoulder.

Mike bolted upright. “JOY! SHE FOUND MY CLEVELAND INJURY!”

“You fell out of a lawn chair.”

“That was a structural failure.”

When it was over, Mike came out in a tiny robe, disposable slippers and purple toenails and declared himself “a completely reborn man.”
Then he took three elegant steps toward the front desk.
Both slippers burst.

While Joy paid, Mike stood barefoot next to a sign reading ‘Please remove your shoes.’
“Five stars,” he told the receptionist. “But your footwear needs some engineering.”

That evening, Joy found Mike sitting with his feet propped up on two decorative pillows.
“The polish needs to cure,” he explained.
“It's been six hours.”

“Joy, you paid for a luxury husband. Please respect the maintenance schedule.”