Don't be afraid to speak bluntly in the Philippines.
Filipinos generally seem to avoid confrontation. When they have a problem with someone, a lot of them seem to deal with it by sulking and dropping hints instead of saying it outright, or by badmouthing that person to someone else.
That's not my style at all. If I have a problem with someone, I'd rather tell them to their face what the problem is. My Filipino friends warned me it wouldn't go over well, but I kept doing it anyway, and the results have actually been pretty good.
From calling out crappy service to pointing out friends' bad manners, it does rub some people the wrong way. But when I tell them, "I'm not trying to be aggressive, I just want to be honest and open. I'd rather say it to your face than behind your back," people understand, and some even seem to appreciate it. And if you're a foreigner, locals will probably cut you more slack for being blunt than they would a fellow Filipino, since they'll assume that's just how people talk in your culture.
That's exactly it. I'm with you and I think this is the right approach. But for a lot of Filipinos here, doing this automatically makes you a bad person. No amount of explaining or reasoning will change that. This behavior gets painted with the same "entitled foreigner" brush. It doesn't matter if you're 100% right.
I had an experience. We went out to eat with a big group of my fiancée's family. At the next table was a group of 8: 4 adults and 4 little kids, maybe 4 to 7 years old. The kids were extremely loud. Screeching at full volume, drumming with spoons as hard as they could, tossing their water bottle into the air so it landed with a bang. Kids being kids. That's fine. But the parents didn't even try to rein them in or calm them down. At a Jollibee, fine. But this was a more intimate, pricey dinner place. The older folks in our group were struggling to talk to each other over the noise. Everyone in our group was annoyed. You could see it on their faces. But nobody was willing to step up or say anything to the other table. After about 10 minutes I stepped in. I turned to face them, politely raised my voice to get their attention, and said, "Hey guys, let's use our inside voices and table manners please, thanks little dudes," and gave each of them a fist bump. After that they quieted down and behaved much more appropriately for the place. My fiancée didn't like that I did it. But I could tell everyone in our group was relieved the noise went down. Filipinos are weird sometimes. Gotta love them though.
This won't work with people you have to deal with regularly. It can really backfire. I've always done what you're describing, and it actually gave people a very negative impression of me. But, to thine own self be true.
Lol at all these comments about respecting Filipino culture. As a Filipino, screw that. Filipinos could use some humbling. We think we're the cat's pajamas, but in reality we're appalling as a nation. The sooner we grow out of the Pinoy mindset, the sooner we become what we thought we were — smart, hardworking, and hospitable.
It's so funny how Filipinos get aggressive when someone acts normal. Honest and direct? Nah, hurtful gossip and backstabbing? Great! I'm always direct, and I confess, I even say good morning in the elevator. Don't kill me!
Well, here's the thing. Filipinos don't want to be seen as confrontational. But if you wrong them, and depending on where they're from (the further south, the more vindictive), then... lord help you. Sincerely, a Filipina-American raised in Zamboanga City (yep, THAT place) who has also lived in the Middle East for over a decade Hope that helps someone. And by south I mean going down from Luzon to the Visayas (I mean, Siquijor, right — also Ilonggas are known to be feisty, but not as feisty as someone from Mindanao, mind you), and further down still (where most of you foreigners don't seem to venture — with good reason) xx
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