You got into a relationship with a woman who has the emotional IQ of a child….

Also, a lot of Filipinas have a hard time accepting that men and women can be just friends.

Every man wants peace, and you weren't getting it from her. On the other side of it, Filipinas are generally like that. She just wanted attention and reassurance. As long as you're there for your daughter, I don't think it's a bad decision. It's a tough situation.

So, being honest: you got her pregnant, didn't marry her, and left her alone over there with your child while you chase a scholarship at 35? You pushed her aside while she raises your child alone. You told her she mattered less than your scholarship. To quote you: ‘I talked to her on the phone and asked her to please not bring up any problems before or during my courses.’ You're the father of the child she's raising. Of course she's going to bring up problems. Raising a child is exhausting and expensive. You treated her like a temporary convenience while you were there. She's living in the present, and you refuse to understand that. To quote you again: ‘she never realized it was all for our future, so time after time she proved to me why I did it.’ What about her present? Of course she's going to imagine you're having an affair, maybe have a wife back home. In the Philippines she's now a ‘dalagang ina,’ an unmarried mother. She carries the shame of being a mother without a husband, made worse because it's with a foreigner. Put simply, her neighbors now see her as a whore. She probably feels she's failed her family, because you don't seem to understand what's at stake: she was expected to leave with you, build a life, and eventually send support back home. Yes, she accused you of cheating. It was a desperate cry for attention because she was terrified you'd leave her behind with a baby. And what did you do? You broke up with her. You did exactly what she was terrified of. You left her behind. So for your kid's sake, I'd make things right. Really right.

As a Filipina, I see this differently from a lot of the comments here. In our culture, relationships are ‘exclusive.’ Not just romantically, but in terms of emotional bonds and friendships too. It's not about control or insecurity, it's about what intimacy means. When you're with someone, they're your person. Close friends, confidants… that place belongs to your partner. That's how we build deep trust and unity. So I understand where your ex was coming from. By Filipino standards she wasn't being unreasonable. She was expecting what a serious relationship naturally looks like in our culture. Having female friends, close or not, while in a relationship? That would have felt like a threat to the bond you two were supposed to have. But here's where I think you two missed each other. You saw it as control. She saw it as natural. Neither of you was wrong, you just had different frameworks for relationships. The question wasn't “Is she crazy?” or “Did he cheat?”… it was “Can we meet in the middle on what intimacy looks like?” The real issue wasn't your female friends. It was that you two couldn't agree on what exclusivity means. She needed reassurance that you were completely hers. You needed freedom, and that felt suffocating to her. For your daughter's sake: keep trying to co-parent. But understand that your ex probably felt abandoned, not just by the breakup but by the idea that other women mattered to you. That doesn't excuse her behavior, but it explains why she's holding on so tightly now.

Without the child, I'd tell you to “run for the hills.” But for your daughter's sake, you should do ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING to be a constant presence in her life, meaning stay with the mother (not just “co-parent”). I don't see why it can't work. In the end, all your complaints about her seem tied to her trust issues, which should settle down as soon as the two of you, the three of you, live together again. Knowing nothing beyond what you wrote, I think you gave up a bit early. I'm guessing the stress you were under led you to make an impulsive decision to split, and now that your head is clearer you realize you might have made a mistake (otherwise you wouldn't be posting here). Maybe contact her, try to work things out and get back together, even if it's just so your daughter can grow up with her father in her life and the stability that comes with it...

I think you need to be prepared for her to use your daughter as leverage against you. You can't change her. You can only change how you deal with her. If she's wrecking your mental health, you need to step back. I'd tell her flat out that no money gets sent if she uses your daughter against you, and set up an arrangement that's basically money in exchange for access to your daughter. After that, I'd ‘gray rock’ her so you can still communicate when needed without getting upset.