I think I'm ready to leave my British boyfriend after almost two years

I think I've reached the point where I want to break up with my boyfriend, and honestly it's really hard because I still love him.

We've been together almost two years. We actually started as friends. He's 62, British, wealthy, never married, and has no kids. Before we got together he was very active on dating apps and talked to lots of different women. Back then I was fine with it, since he was single and I wasn't looking for anything serious either. I was 30 and had already been through some bad relationships, so I was actually more focused on my career and enjoying my own life.

Somehow, over time, we got really close and eventually got together. Our first year was honestly great. We were almost inseparable. We had amazing chemistry, a surprisingly great sex life, and we genuinely enjoyed each other's company. He also gradually used the dating apps less, even though I never once told him not to. We had an understanding that we both wanted some freedom and could still have our own lives.

Eventually we moved in together.

The real problems started in our second year. There was an incident where I found out he'd lied to me, and after that I realized my trust had completely changed.

One of the women he met on a dating app is a Filipina lesbian whose schooling he pays for. One day she apparently came to our condo without my knowing. I only found out because when I got home, my YouTube account had been logged out and hers was logged in.

What shocked me wasn't that she'd been there — it was that nobody told me.

I later found out that besides her, he sometimes sends money to other women he meets online. Some of the amounts have been pretty big.

This is especially hard for me because I've always tried really hard not to be the stereotype of a Filipina dating a rich foreigner. I've never asked him for an allowance. I've never asked him to buy me expensive phones, gadgets, bags or anything like that. I'm financially independent, and I've always wanted him to know I'm with him because I genuinely love being with him, not because of his money.

So when I found out he was giving money to women he met online, honestly, it confused and hurt me.

Another time I came home and found two women in our condo. He said they were friends waiting for the traffic to ease up and that nothing happened. Again, my biggest issue wasn't what they were doing. It was: why wasn't I told?

When I told him I wasn't comfortable with people he met online coming into our home without telling me, he eventually started saying I was being too strict.

And maybe that's where we've become fundamentally different.

He's always valued his freedom. Before me, he traveled alone a lot. He runs a stressful business and says traveling alone is how he decompresses and gets space.

I get that.

But now that we're in a relationship, naturally I want to share some of those experiences with him. I don't expect to be included on every single trip. But I'd love for my partner to sometimes think, "I want to experience this with her."

Instead, I feel like I always have to ask.

And that's what's really wearing me out.

I don't want to have to chase someone to spend time with me.

I don't want to keep asking to be included.

I don't want to feel like I'm competing with his need for freedom.

And I don't want to become a controlling girlfriend just because I have certain expectations of a relationship.

I think the money thing also taught me something about myself. It's not that I expect him to spoil me with money because he's rich. I don't.

But sometimes I think: if I don't ask him for money, don't ask him to buy me things, don't expect an allowance, and try to be as independent as I can, then I at least want to feel cherished by my partner emotionally. I want time together. I want shared experiences. I want to feel considered.

And lately, I feel like I'm having to ask for those things too.

The confusing part is that most of the time we're actually fine. We still get along. We still have chemistry. I still love him. We can laugh together and have a great time.

That's why leaving feels so hard.

He's not necessarily a bad person. We just seem to have very different ideas about what being in a relationship means.

Maybe he truly needs a lot of independence, space and freedom.

And maybe I'm realizing I need more partnership, consideration and shared experiences than I thought I did.

I'm starting to feel I can't keep asking him for something he doesn't naturally want to give.

I don't want to spend the next few years feeling like I'm chasing my own boyfriend for attention, time, affection or experiences together.

So I think I may be ready to let go.

Not because I don't love him.

But because I don't want to keep begging for a relationship I have to constantly convince him to take part in.

Has anyone else been through something like this — where the relationship isn't exactly toxic or terrible, but you eventually realize the two of you simply want very different things from it?