My Fijian-Australian boyfriend flew to the Philippines to see me, then seemingly cut me off right after he left — I'm trying to understand what happened

Warning: long post — I'm not looking for comfort, I'm trying to understand what happened.

I'm a woman in my early 30s living in the Philippines, a single mom working two jobs.

I'm posting here because there are many foreigners and expats who live in the Philippines or date Filipinos, and I especially want to hear from foreign men. I want to know if I'm missing something about how he saw relationships, communication, or breakups. I'm not trying to stereotype anyone or say this is a cultural issue.

He's in his 40s, Fijian-Australian, divorced, with three grown children, and in the military. I've left out identifying details.

How it started

We started talking while he was in Australia. At first he was really sweet. He sent songs and pictures and little updates throughout the day. We mostly texted rather than having long calls.

Before he came to the Philippines, we were already officially together, and things were good.

I'm naturally loving, affectionate, caring, and attentive. I was openly affectionate with him too. Holding hands, hugging, cuddling, checking in on him, doing little things to make him feel loved. Looking back, I probably showed more physical affection than he did.

During his training, he was suddenly assigned to the Philippines. He said he was replacing someone who got injured, and it happened so suddenly he had no chance to tell me.

My first reaction was basically: 'Why are you here without telling me? You came to see someone else, not me.'

I had always told him that if there was ever someone else, I'd rather he be honest and let me go. In the end I believed his explanation. I loved him, and I had no proof otherwise.

While he was in the Philippines

We eventually met in person.

While he was stationed in Bicol, communication became inconsistent. Sometimes he'd go two days without messaging, then come back as if nothing had happened. He said he was busy with work or out in the jungle. I wasn't asking him to text constantly. I just wanted reassurance.

There were also things that made me wonder if he was talking to other women. He did need a Philippine SIM and phone for practical reasons, but he also started using Telegram and Viber. I never found proof that he was cheating.

This past weekend

He had gone back to Australia and then flew back to the Philippines specifically to see me. He arrived Saturday afternoon and left Monday morning.

Saturday was really nice. We had dinner and watched fireworks.

Sunday was quieter, and we spent a lot of time at the Airbnb. We hugged, cuddled, held hands, and were affectionate. Looking back, I probably initiated most of the physical affection, but I was just happy to be with him.

The Intramuros thing

Over Sunday breakfast, we talked about what to do with the time we had left. I suggested Intramuros, which I'd mentioned before he came.

Suddenly he said he'd already been there. He described the creepy dolls and the churches and said he'd gone with people from his unit.

I was shocked, because I understood his first time in the Philippines was when he was stationed in Bicol, and I thought his first time in Manila was going to be with me.

I asked who he'd gone with and whether it was another woman.

He saw my expression and suddenly changed his story, saying he'd only said he'd been there because he didn't want to go.

That confused me. If he could just say he didn't want to go, why describe the place and say he'd gone with his unit?

I have no proof he went with another woman, but in that moment everything I'd wondered about before suddenly seemed to line up.

I cried a little, he comforted me, and I tried to move past it because I didn't want to ruin the little time we had.

Monday morning

He left Monday morning.

We had breakfast, walked together, held hands, hugged, and cuddled. I was probably more physically affectionate than he was, but nothing that morning made me feel we were ending.

We talked about seeing each other again. I said I wanted him to stay a whole week next time, and he seemed excited.

He'd talked before about marriage, living together, kids, vacations, and everyday life together.

He said 'You made me happy' and 'I really love you.' He called me 'mahal' (love) and even 'wife.'

Before I went to sleep, I told him, 'Thank you for coming to see me. I love you so much.'

Then I fell asleep happy, truly believing we were okay.

Monday afternoon

I woke up after he'd already left and noticed something was wrong.

My WhatsApp messages weren't delivering and his profile picture was gone. Later, messages started showing as delivered again, so I don't know what happened technically.

But his profile picture stayed gone, and I realized I was no longer connected to him on other apps either.

I was completely blindsided.

On Monday I went to sleep feeling loved, and when I woke up Monday afternoon it felt like the relationship had suddenly vanished.

I sent some angry messages I now regret. I was hurt and confused.

And now it's Tuesday.

What I can't understand

How can someone fly all the way here, spend the weekend with me, have dinner, watch fireworks, cuddle, hold my hand, talk about seeing me again, call me 'wife,' tell me he loves me, and then seemingly cut me off within hours of leaving?

If he'd already decided he didn't want me, why come?

If something during the visit changed his mind, why not tell me?

If he truly cared about me, how could he choose such an abrupt way to end things?

He also knew I was already going through something hard in my personal life, though that's a separate story I don't want to get into here. That makes the abruptness hurt even more.

I'm not saying this proves he never cared, or that he cheated.

Maybe he truly cared and his feelings changed. Maybe he had doubts he never told me about. Maybe something during the visit changed things. Maybe something is going on in his life that I know nothing about.

I just don't know.

What I want to understand

I especially want to hear from foreign men and expats with experience in cross-cultural relationships, especially Australian or Fijian-Australian men.

Was everything he said a lie? Was some of it real, and then his feelings changed? Was he torn? Did he just decide he didn't want the relationship anymore and handle it badly?

I don't want to chase him, make fake accounts, keep checking whether I'm blocked, or dig through his social media looking for another woman.

I just want to understand what happened and figure out how to move forward.

On Monday I fell asleep feeling loved. When I woke up Monday afternoon, I felt like I no longer existed.

And it's only Tuesday.

If you were looking at this from the outside, what would you make of it?