Helping her family is part of the deal
I almost always side with the expats on these issues, but this time I think some of the young guys are barking up the wrong tree.
"I expect my wife to help her family"
"Her family keeps asking me for money"
"She expects me to support her"
These complaints come up all the time. I want to ask those guys, "What exactly did you come here expecting?" Most people who come here are fine with a traditional marriage. The wife obeys her husband, cooks, looks after the house, rubs his feet when he's tired... and does other things too. In return, the husband supports his wife and helps her family out, especially if she's from the province (provinciana).
Let me be upfront: if you want a partner who splits everything 50:50, you won't find one in the Philippines. You might have better luck in places like Japan or Singapore.
Honestly, I think the complaints come from embarrassment, because what the woman expects goes beyond what the man can afford. The solution is to find a woman whose expectations are ones you can handle, and it's better to set honest limits from the start. From what I've seen, the amount considered acceptable for family support is around $200 a month in the province, and probably higher in Manila. If she asks for more than that, find another woman.
No, sending the in-laws a set amount isn't a given. My priorities are my kid, my wife, and me. If an emergency comes up, I can help. A broken TV is not an emergency. People who are able-bodied need to find their own way to make a living. That's just how life is, and people managed before. And if these families still have a 'wife staying home' kind of situation, then it's not that hard for them. Also, I'm not going to let my mother-in-law sit at home scrolling TikTok on money I worked hard for.
Want to hear something funny? A lot of Filipino guys don't support their girlfriend's family =P If anything, it's common for the woman to be supporting her own family and the boyfriend too.
I don't blame guys for being shocked when they realize close family sees them as a 'walking wallet.' It's uncomfortable when you feel like behind every smile there's a hope/plan/desire to extract money. But even if the wife doesn't want to take part, she's under pressure she can't escape. I'm on the lucky side, my wife actively tries to head that off. Anyway, I give my wife an allowance so that if she wants to help someone, she doesn't have to come to me. She saves it.
I only look for orphans. Just kidding, but seriously, my girlfriend is from the province and she works, but I pay 100% of the household expenses and she gives her own money to her dad. Works fine for me.
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