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I secretly wished my daughter's mom would die.

I had a drunken one-night stand in 2019. I was stationed in Japan at the time and met a Filipino woman at a bar. We hit it off and ended up back at my place. A few months later she messaged me to say she was pregnant, but that it wasn't mine — it was her boyfriend's. Then she moved back to the Philippines. A few more months went by and I got another message. Her boyfriend had done a DNA test and the baby wasn't his. I flew down to do a DNA test, and sure enough, she's my daughter.

I went through the whole process of registering her as a US citizen: passport, Social Security number, all of it. When I said I wanted to bring her to the US to meet my family, her mom flat out said that would never happen. My daughter is 6 now. In her short six years, she's been in a scooter crash with her mom without a helmet, she's been sexually assaulted by a neighbor, she hardly goes to school, she's glued to an iPad all day, and according to her mom, she still needs help using the bathroom properly.

Yesterday my daughter's mom called to tell me she has stage 2 blood cancer and can't afford treatment. She said we should start talking about future plans. I said okay, what's the prognosis? She doesn't know yet. I said okay, then we need to draw up a document that lets me take our daughter out of the Philippines if something happens to you. She hit me with: “I still don't trust anyone around her, not even you.” (I'M NOT THE ONE WHO LET HER GET SEXUALLY ABUSED! I screamed in my head.) I said okay, but if you pass away I need to be able to bring her to the US, so we have to prepare for that. She said no — she wants me to raise my child support to pay for her cancer treatment. I already send her $1,200 every month; she doesn't work and lives off the child support.

Getting this off my chest: in that moment, the only thought in my head was, I hope you die sooner rather than later so I can rescue my daughter from you. I feel horrible for thinking it, I really do, but that's honestly how I feel. I just want to give my daughter as normal a life as possible. I don't want her to lose her mom, but her mom is literally steering her toward a life of poverty and sexual exploitation, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I have a consultation with a lawyer next week to see what my options are. Has anyone here dealt with leaving the country with your child when you were never married to the mother? So far she's refused to draw up the document that would let me leave the country with our daughter, and I'm scared that if she dies without doing it, I'll be completely screwed when it comes to getting custody.

I'm on her Filipino birth certificate and her CRBA. She has a US passport and everything. I've done everything I could to support her over the years, and I'm ready and willing to raise her full-time as a single dad. I just know that fathers have no rights in the Philippines.

A colorful life starts with eating colorful, fresh vegetables just picked from the garden. 😊 😋
Wishing us all a colorful Tuesday 😊

Tortilla challenge

Visiting for the first time next year from the US – any tips, and how much money should I save?

The title says it all. Early next year I'm planning my first visit, for about two weeks. Since it's a pretty short trip, my plan is to fly into Cebu City and spend most of my time around there.

I'm just looking for tips, tricks, advice and things to do while I'm there. I'm also planning to have 62K pesos (1,000 USD) saved up. Is that too tight or too much for a two-week trip? Let me know!

Beef mami or pho?

Which “soup” 🍜 do you like better?

Beef mami

or

Pho

🤔

The expressive dog getting his medicine

Hi everyone, I've been coming and going for a long time, but now I'm seriously thinking about settling there for good.

My question is about keeping my US bank accounts and credit cards while living abroad. Is anyone using Tello for US phone service and two-step verification?

How do you all get verification codes from your banks and credit cards while living overseas? I'm completely new to this, so any advice or experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Weekends vs. weekdays

Here in the Philippines 🇵🇭….. does the “weekend” feel different from a weekday to you?

Different vibe?…different things you do on weekends?…different places you go?….or does every day kind of feel the same?

For us…Sunday definitely feels different…less traffic and less noise.

Then again, in retirement….every day feels like Saturday/Sunday. 😉

Tech from the past is better than today's.

Hello,
I was hoping to get some information that isn't contradictory. I'm a 67-year-old woman. I'm tired of struggling just to get by. For the past year I've been focusing on the Philippines. Are there any senior women who made the move on their own? I can't do Manila and don't want to. I'd be leaving Florida. I'm looking for a furnished one-bedroom that allows a small dog, about 20–25 lbs. I'd like to be near a beach and a few small stores. I was considering Dumaguete, but the last few times I was on Facebook I saw a few murders and rip-offs, so I started focusing on Roxas City. I'm confused about the banking situation and the visa options. How do people pay their rent? Do you bring something like 10,000 in cash? Is there anywhere safe for someone my age? I'd like to spend no more than 1,000 a month including everything, medical too. Safety is my top priority. Once I leave the US I can't come back, because trying to re-establish myself would be financially impossible. I'd like to be close to a few things, but I'm willing to live like the locals. Any advice would be truly appreciated.
Thank you

Growing anti-foreigner sentiment

So I searched this sub for the topic, just to see. I was sure someone would be talking about it. Nobody is.

The Philippines used to be known as a place that welcomed foreigners with open arms. Does anyone else get the feeling that's been taken back, and now it's more like “come if you want, but do one thing wrong, give us one excuse, and you're out”?

It's starting to look like an organized purge, where they're doing everything they can to push out as many people as possible.

They're not just sweeping up predators, sex offenders and child molesters anymore. They grabbed someone who owed child support. Someone with a few small misdemeanors his own state barely cares about. The Philippines seems to care more than the state that charged him.

It really doesn't seem like they want foreigners here anymore.

The Philippines was never a place for perfect foreigners. It was where foreigners came who weren't appreciated back home — maybe they're ugly, maybe they're short, there are a million reasons — and then they came to the Philippines and started being appreciated. That's been the formula here for a long time.

It seems like the national government is trying to end that by any means necessary, and they're enforcing laws already on the books very strictly. Once that well runs dry, I wouldn't be surprised if new laws start getting passed.

I know, I know. You're one of the good ones. Let's come back to this post in a year and see how much things have escalated.

The simple joys of autumn

The reason we prefer Filipinas

Why do we prefer Filipinas, you ask?

Because back home, women are so aggressive and quarrelsome that they don't care about their husbands or their families. Just look at this thread: a married woman thinks she has the right to spend a month traveling the world with her friends without her husband.

And then they're surprised when they end up divorced.

https://www.reddit.com/r/conseilsrelationnels/comments/1wo88qn/d%C3%A9partager_les_vacances_entre_les_copines_et_vos/

Which phone carrier is a good one to sign up with when I land in the Philippines?

A handy tip for paper towels at gas stations (never mind the spelling)

Why are so many young guys coming to the Philippines?

Two years ago I was the only young guy

Now younger, fitter men are coming to the Philippines and spending more money than me. I've been in a relationship for years, and young guys keep hitting on my girlfriend because she goes to the gym and is wife material.

The pretty girls I met have all ended up with older guys with more money, or with really good-looking, more muscular guys who aren't richer but are willing to spend more

Is the dating market in the US and Europe really so bad that super-fit gym guys have to come all the way here?

Had to let my cat outside today :(

I tried to get her used to living inside, but after 2 months she was still depressed, clawing at the windows and trying to get out, hiding and unhappy.

Every night she'd hide, meow once, and just scratch at the balcony window. It was impossible to train her. She wouldn't even let me touch her and she was completely wild. She'd go into hiding at the slightest sound.

People kept telling me to be patient. But I'll leave food outside for her so she can eat while she's out there.

What did that sign just call me?

I've been receiving VA P/T for over 20 years, and normally it would have come in by now. I'm new here — only just over 60 days — and we just got a condo. Is anyone else who usually gets paid early still waiting?

What's the best thing to tell immigration?

I'm a UK citizen. I've been staying in Airbnbs. I have an address in the UK and all my bank accounts are registered to that address.

I was here as a tourist from March to late April. I did one tourist visa extension — they call the first extension the visa waiver. Then I left. No questions asked.

I came back as a tourist in early June, and again no questions asked. I did one visa waiver and one more extension, and got my ACR card.

I left again a few days ago, and again no questions asked.

I'll be back in October and will look for a longer-term apartment, ideally on a 6-month contract. I also want to get a Philippine phone number.

In November I'm leaving briefly for a vacation in another Southeast Asian country and coming back after about 8 days. I hope I don't get questioned when I come back in November, but if I do:

Should I tell them I have a long-term apartment? Or should I just book a free-cancellation hostel/hotel to show them?

I have a Filipina girlfriend here. Should I say I keep coming back to see her? Or is it better not to mention it?