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Oct 2

Dating Filipina single moms — a more balanced take

This is something I've been wanting to share after living in the Philippines for 4 years: dating Filipina single moms is much more nuanced than most comments and posts on the topic make it out to be. Let me explain.

I've dated a few single moms in Manila and Cebu. I think it can be really rewarding, but it can also turn into a 'never again' experience or one of those horror stories you read online.

To me, it's important to understand the context first. More than 14 million Filipinas (about 25% of Filipino women) are single moms. They didn't choose to be single moms. We're talking no divorce, no reliable child support, partners who just disappeared, and in many cases abuse. Many of these women didn't choose this — the system and their partners failed them. Of course that doesn't automatically make them great partners, but saying 'never date one' based on that alone misses a lot, and I think it's unfair.

I also see a lot of posts and comments complaining that her kids come first. Isn't that natural for every parent in the world? The men I know who made it work just accepted it and worked with it. In my experience, the moment you show her you accept her kids, she makes you feel like the most important man in the world. I don't see it as a fight over 'who comes first,' because in Filipino culture you become part of the family almost instantly.

What really mattered to me was seeing what her values are, what she actually wants, and whether her actions match her words. There's one thing I always try to keep in mind: a single mom who's been working double shifts for two years to feed her kids and asking for nothing is a completely different person from someone whose first question is about your income (like a lot of women you meet on dating apps).

Lots of bad experiences are real too — that's for sure. But I think it's always worth looking at what kind of woman she actually is, beyond being a single mom. Plenty of guys have built really happy relationships with single moms and their kids. I hope this post brings some balance to the topic of Filipina single moms.

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Reactions30 of 171 original comments
Kids are a package dealDidn't choose it?Been thereRaising another man's kidThe cultural backdropIt depends on her
Kids are a package deal
condemned02114

I mean, people don't want single moms not because they've got anything against the woman, but because they're not looking to adopt a child. No matter what, when you get into a relationship with someone who has kids, it's a package deal. You can't just toss the kid aside.

Didn't choose it?
Puzzleheaded_Bet345517

Oh sure. They didn't choose it

Been there
Juxtxn29

I dated a single mom. She worked hard to support not only her son but her parents. Never asked me for a penny. She even always offered to pay for things for me. One small problem with all this glowing praise for her.... NARCISSIST. Emotionally draining. So even when everything seems good... you can end up loving someone who isn't connected to reality.

Raising another man's kid
Aggravating_Ring_71421

Props to the guys raising another guy's kid. 'Super rewarding' (for the Pinoy guy, I guess lol).

The cultural backdrop
JBBooks190110

It's simply a fact of life that a fairly large share of younger Filipinas have children out of wedlock. I'm not going to let them off the hook just because their culture doesn't care how much it affects the women themselves and their society. I know this isn't a popular thing to say, but the bottom-line truth is that unwed mothers are one of the main reasons the Philippines is, and will remain, a third-world country.

It depends on her
dpeterk13

You can't make a blanket statement that Pinay single moms are good or bad. When I was dating in the Philippines, I knew that finding someone could mean she had kids with other men. I didn't rule it out, since I was no spring chicken either. Anyway, yes — some single moms will take advantage of you without a second thought, and others won't. If your policy is not to be with someone who has kids, that's fine, but saying it can never work is a fallacy.

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